A dream, or a plan?

Yun sent me this link: http://www.colinandyenyen.com/wordpress/paved-with-good-intentions/
which I spent a good one hour plus reading, and digesting
(amidst checking facebook and catching up on world news)

and if you don't have that much time to read,

here's something I picked out from colin and yenyen.

"Consider these 2 stories. Which is closer to yours?

You wake up everyday and work from Monday to Friday, and often, Saturday too. If you finish work early, you and your partner go to your parents’ place for dinner and see your child for a few hours.

If you work late, you buy a packet of char kway teow from the hawker centre but eat it at home because it’s too warm to eat there. You’re not crazy about the job but you know that if you keep at it, you can afford a car in 3 years’ time, and in 5 years’ time, buy a condo close to the primary school you want to send your kid to. Your conversations with people are either for the purpose of networking, work, or for familial obligations you cannot avoid.

On weekends, you play golf with your friends at your country club or watch a movie with your partner. Once a year, you go on a ten day vacation to New York, London, or Paris, and when your children are big enough, Disneyland.

Alternatively, you wake up and you have no idea what is going to happen today, tomorrow, 6 months or a year later. Ironically, because of this uncertainty, all possibilities exist for you.

You can be the Prime Minister of Singapore, you can make a movie, you can cook a meal you have never cooked before, eat at a place you have never eaten before, you can color your hair red, you can skip instead of walk, you can volunteer at the school you have always wanted to volunteer at, you can write a book, or you can have a baby even though you don’t have a maid.

You have conversations with people who set your heart palpitating and your mind on fire. Your weekday is not so different from your weekend because everyday you are thinking, creating, and more important, imagining.

Most of us recognize the first story and its pursuit of the 5 Cs of “cash, condo, car, country club, credit card.”

It is the Plan, which imposes a conclusion on you, and you work in order to make all the pieces fit. A bus stop advertisement I saw recently said it best: “We spend all our youth chasing money, and when we attain it, we spend all our money chasing youth.”

A Dream, on the other hand, carries you on its wings to worlds that your heart and mind have never known."

Yun commented I had gotten out of the Singapore mould and am starting to live my dream.

Perhaps, to a certain extent.

I would have been perfectly satisfied going forward with the Singapore Plan.

Those were the stuff me and mr goh used to discuss.

It is an enviable plan if all pieces of the jigsaw fit.

But I had been greedy and I wanted more.

I didn't want to be kept in.
so I made the choice to move to Hong Kong. I want to see what other places have to offer me,
and how much further I can push myself

My new job allowed me to do more thinking,

we try to be creative and innovative.

I wake up every morning, knowing the stuff I have to get done,

and not knowing the other ad hoc stuff which needs to get done.

There is a wee bit of uncertainty and element of surprise.

I have conversations with people who make me think, and laugh,

and set my heart racing.

Perhaps I'm now transiting between the first scenario to the second.

I still think about the first scenario sometimes... it's such a comfort zone.

I also start to wonder
if I'm just making myself to believe that I'm pursuing my dreams;

when in fact, I'm still following the blueprint,
just in a different city, with different characters.

There is only so much people can plan,
but a lot more which we can dream about.

It's not easy to live your dream;
but we all try, at least.

sniff sniff

Winter is here again. It's funny how you'd wake up one morning and find that the weather's changed completely.

I like winter, other than the fact that it always makes me sick - sniff sniff.

Last year, i told mich that i'd want to remember this feeling for a long time - of the cool breeze on my face under the sun; of snuggling comfy in bed a little longer in the mornings; of not having to worry about bad hair days ... while thinking i'm ending my hk hiatus.

I had never thought things would take such a turn and i'm back here again.

the past two weeks have been busy, as usual.

I was a butterfly one night; and a pirate the next.

j's trailwalker 100km hike lasted 30 hours.

my helim balloon lost much of its helium after the long wait, and after all the whacking in the wind. I still cannot imagine why anyone is so passionate and enthusiastic about doing a 100km hike, or go for foot massages....

I prefer to go cycling (actually, more so rollerblading -

but I think the roads in HK is far too bumpy).

A good get away from work - which never seems to be ending, nor stops to pile.

our little weekend get away at ho chi minh city really took my mind off work.

My fav part of the trip has got to be crawling through the cu chi tunnel, and riding in the city, and of cos the food! I wish I know some basic Vietnamese though, it's always nice to chat up the locals. :)

my sneezing frenzy has just started again. better head to bed.

why am I always not in the best of health when you come visit, mich??

in love, in memory

Read this from somewhere and
thought it's really well written -

so i'm sharing it with you. :)

Life is an act of resistance

and of re-existence;

we live,

re-live.

But everything is held in our memory.

We are what we remember,

our memory is our nomadic home.

As the plants or the emigrant birds,

the memories have the strategy of the light.

They go forward,

like the rower who moves from behind to see better.

There is a pain similar to a toothache,

to the physical loss,

and it is to lose a memory that we love.

Those essential photos in the album of our life.

That’s why,

there is a kind of melancholy that does not catch,

but nourishes freedom.

In that melancholy

as foam on the waves,

our dreams arises.

你不是真正的快乐

你不是真正的快乐



真的?

人群中 哭著

你只想變成透明的顏色

你再也不會夢

或痛

或心動了

你已經決定了

你已經決定了

你靜靜 忍著

緊緊把昨天在拳心握著

而回憶越是甜

就是越傷人了

越是在 手心留下

密密麻麻 深深淺淺 的刀割

你不是真正的快樂

你的笑只是你穿的保護色

你決定不恨了

也決定不愛了

把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

這世界 笑了

於是妳合群的一起笑了

當生存是規則

不是 你的選擇

於是妳 含著眼淚 飄飄盪盪 跌跌撞撞 的走著

你不是真正的快樂

你的笑只是你穿的保護色

你決定不恨了

也決定不愛了

把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂

你的傷從不肯完全的癒合

我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河

難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了

然後才後悔著

你值得真正的快樂

你應該脫下你穿的保護色

為什麼失去了

還要被懲罰呢

能不能就讓 悲傷全部

結束在此刻

重新開始活著

I am finally getting my life back.

:)

Halloween friday was a blast!

The Bledisloe cup was a blast!

Second round of halloween partying on sat night was a blast!

Getting 7 hours of sleep over 2 nights is crazy,

but I'm lovin' it!

Retail therapy

Retail therapy

works.

I have never splurged so much on myself one weekend
when I'm back in Singapore.

A bunch of winter clothes, skin care, a new watch, hairdo, accessories.

Staying in causeway bay has much to contribute.

On top of that, I try to justify my irrational spending
by how hard I work during the week.

And according to Kain, our HK salary has just grown in value by 10%.

Great way to spend those HK dollars ... on sing dollars stuff... which I did:



These are just too pretty to resist! from www.ochacream.com

Although zhijin said I can probably find similar stuff at mongkok... at much cheaper price....

oh well. I need some pampering.

I find that I'm pampering myself a lot more here in HK.

Am I really that unhappy here?

hurting

Love is like my retainers - a life time, if not long term, commitment.

I am supposed to wear it all the time, but I don't.

I don't wear it when I have to eat and I need the space and I need to make sure I don't crack it.

I keep it snugly in my bag, and I'll wear it every now and then.

If I lose it, my teeth will go out of alignment.

So how can this love continue when you're not here with me?

I hope you understand that I tried - I really did.

I just got reminded of the pain again.

why?

the joy of giving

Yesterday, zhijin told me she received a bouquet of flowers

and it made her day.

That's when I start to think how happy I was when I received flowers

out of the blue, for no particular reason.

I get caught up with work these days that I've stopped doing those extra little something for people, the ones I care about.

I recalled those days in sec school when we'd pass the 'chocolates' - Person A writes a note to Person B, along with a bar of choc, and B will do so for C and C for D and it goes on until A receives something.

Full circle.

So I did something today

to let you know I care about you(s).

The giver of joy receives double the joy.

-for jason-
The giver of surprises feels fantastic.

-for michelle-

snapping out of it

I walked out of my office feeling the strangest of feelings this evening

It was as if the entire day had been a dream

my vision blurred as I stepped out of the elevator

strangers whizz past me

I am nobody to them

as they don't matter to me

this is not home

and I want to snap out of it.

Getting active

Yesterday was Chung Yeung Festival - a public holiday in Hong Kong.

Being the pig that I am, it's time to get my big fat ass moving again. So I happily agreed to Kain's invitation to join him and his friends for a game of badminton at Kowloon sports complex early in the morning. It's been some time since I crossed the harbour and made it to the other side. I had forgotten how long it'd take and ended up being '18 minutes' late (yes, kain counted).

The morning air was chilly - perhaps a sign that autumn is soon to be over. We had macs for breakfast and the guys wouldn't stop making fun of me - how I had asked for 'Fan Kaey' (tomato) instead of 'Kaey zup' (ketchup/tomato sauce). Nb. Kain said he would only have Macs in the morning cos the oil they use is the freshest. Man... who thinks of such things???

We had a couple of matches - won some, lost some. I need to perfect my serve and not keep serving 'char siew' for the other team to 'eat'. :P

Two hours and a blink of an eye later, we packed up and left for more food!

Australia Diary Co. - supposedly serves the BEST scrambled eggs and toast. With the egg mcmuffin in the morning, i had a total of 3 eggs in a day. tsk tsk. So much for trying to be healthy.

Dinner was at Tsim Sa Tsui, indian food. Thank you for suggesting that - i know you saw my whining about missing prata. Although they didn't really have prata... it was good. The curry lamb and the chick peas were delicious. The elevator to the restaurant was kinda scary though - very old school.

And it was nice to meet up with your old time friend Steph -

it meant as much to me as it did to you. :)

In bed, I had difficulty sleeping.

I tried my best to nurse an aching body while my mind was still actively running with thoughts.

And it didn't help that I was walking like a crab / pregnant woman and saying 'ouch' under my breath with every step i take throughout the entire day today.

The first flames of October

The first week of October started with a blast - literally.

We were just out of the Hong Kong Arts Centre (HKAC) after watching the Spanish film El Bola. Was on our way to look for dinner food, when we heard loud blasts, and echoes of them. I had thought it was going to rain until I saw the reflections of the fireworks on the buildings and a mad rush of crowd charging in one direction.

We managed to catch it - a good 20 minutes of fireworks, with children around us going Wah Wah WAH each time the blasts went off. I love the red and gold and blue ones the most. The green ones somehow remind me of alien invasion - i don't know why.

You held me in your arms and we just watched the fireworks go off. Watching fireworks together is probably on the list of 'Top romantic things to do' for a lot of people. But somehow, that was not the first thing on my mind.

I thought of the previous fireworks I had watched with my significant others at different points in my life and I start to think that yes, everything beautiful will end - just a matter of when.

If you're lucky, you get the next burst of flames, an ongoing parade of fireworks one after another. If you're not so lucky, you just have to wait for the next parade, some time later. Time .. is relative.

I really shouldn't have thought so much and enjoyed the moment with you, and kiss you and let you know i'm happy to be with you right there and then.

Nonetheless, thanks for making such a lovely evening.

The spanish film was thought-provoking and rather unsettling. It speaks of domestic violence, repressed childhood, inner conflicts and a ray of hope. I was particularly appalled at how kids can taunt one another to play silly games like grabbing a bottle placed right in the middle of a track just seconds before the train whizzes past, with the two players on either side of the track. Winner is the one who picks up the bottle first. Or more accurately, the one who doesn't have his brains flattened by the oncoming train.

It was a very good film, very real. Go watch it if you have the chance.

Dinner was good too - we sat on swings and had too much salad, anti pasti, and pizza. You shared with me stories of your fraternity and we spoke about how our parents fell in love. The night could have gone on with endless conversation if not for the fact that it's a working day the next day and you have to start earning your 'brownie points'. ;)

Rainy days like this

make me miss home much.

Pierced

I did the most amazing thing on myself this morning -

All dressed up and good to go to work,

I realised i forgot to wear the ear ring on my helix.

So, I poked around for 5-10 minutes,

trying to get the ear ring in

until I got fed up.

The piercing has miraculously decided to heal overnight.

So I gave it one hard jab to get it through

Next thing i saw

BLOOD.

Ok, breathe.

Got it through the front,

now gotta stab it right across to the back.

Poked around a bit more

a little bit harder

and the next second later

my vision blurred

I felt nauseous

and wanted to puke

checked my watch

damn. 9.05am

I'm late for work.

Then I collapsed,

and hugged the toilet bowl
and tried to throw up.

I broke into cold sweat,

trembling.

And I passed out,

for a good 15 min.

9.20am

Had to call in sick.

Please don't ever try this at home, alone.

Hurt like hell, and I thought i was going to die.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world.

The unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.

Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

-George Bernard Shaw-

I've been reading this book - Hongkongitis- which speaks of the stuff which makes people love and hate Hong Kong so much at the same time. It's a funny read so far, until this chapter that I read tonight.

It spoke about changes and non-conformity, and how Hong Kong is stifled culturally, that the people have no generation gap at all to speak of. Cantopop is popular across generations, with the same formulaic pop star idols. Fashion/arts wise, it's ripped off Japan / Korea. The old aren't afraid to follow what's trendy for the young. 'Hong Kong has no generation gap.' By and large, this is a generalisation.

I start to think about how true this chapter is. Does not having a generation gap means you're not progressing as a society? Is it an Asian thing to conform? Are we taught not to rebel against exisiting social norms? I guess to a certain extent, we tend to slip into our comfort zones. If something works well, why would you want to 'rock the boat'?

Maybe when the journey gets too smooth sailing, you'd rock it just for the heck of it.

Typhoon Hagupit

So the Hagupit is here.

I'm so bored at home

I spent my boredom online shopping

and hell, did i spend

on frivolous stuff.

But

I

LOVE

these!!

feather, polka dotted and orange monarch butterflies.

Lovely. :)

Kissing a fool

You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death
And from my heart
Strange that you were strong enough
To even make a start
You'll never find
Peace of mind
Till you listen to your heart

People
You can never change the way they feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will
If you let them steal your heart from you

People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through

Question

Question:

How considerate should one be in a relationship?

or in a relationship that no longer exists?

mid week wed

It's mid week. i'm halfway there.

it's a wonder how the simplest things can make people happy.

i'm happy today because of my new pink tumbler.

i'm happy today because it's one day closer to the weekend. :)

and i had a good laugh at a frog's joke today.

Post mid Autumn blues

I had mean to get to the office and clear some work this morning. really.

it's 2.30pm and I'm still at home.

the INERTIA is simply too great - even though office is less than 10 min away.

I was up til 3am tidying up my place.

Finally got my hangers (100 of them, and still not enough!) and put up the clothes.

Neighbour says my place looked like a pig's sty, worse than his bunk in army. :(

TTT: Things take time.

I'll make sure i do a little something to spruce up the place every weekend.

Weekends in HK is always incredibly packed. We should have 4 working days in HK.

Fri night used to party; sat to recuperate; sunday to go out shopping/eating; monday to stay home and prepare for another intense work week.

Why is the pace in HK so fast?

'farewell' dinner for Ernest - before he flies off to SF and NY.

Ggoh in HK: bunking with me on Wed/Thurs night; totally sleep deprived and malfunctioning at work on friday. :) But it's all good.

Mid autumn BBQ with fion's family.

I think being around children makes me happy. These kids can just jump around and laugh a lot. Kids still want to play with lanterns and candles. :)

The big kids put up the lanterns, and helped the little ones light theirs.

The chat session with fion's mum & aunts turned out to be a male bashing one.

Marriage, husbands and kids - how do you manage the relationships and your own expectations? It's depressing to hear 5 women telling the same story of how romance will give way to security. I don't want to buy that. I want my heart to flutter, and my smile to make someone's day.

So there goes the mid autumn fest- it's almost like a second CNY. The only things that were missing that night?

Mooncakes and starfruits, and you.

There's a private sale of several beauty product brands for our office on Friday, on a first come first serve basis.

So, my colleague sent in her order - 1 xxx brightening cream.

And the reply was: 'Sorry, out of order'

I didn't find anything odd with that reply until now.

I guess i've slowly become assimilated into the HK english speaking culture.