"What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you're speaking."

I read an article today that made me rethink about my own schedule

and the many often times which I've failed to keep to it.

Basically, the article spoke about keeping your primary values as your core

so much so that it is IN your schedule.

For myself, my primary value seems to be only satisfying my own needs and whims.

How noble right.

See, I can't say I place my family first because they are not in my schedule.

I am not even by their side.

I can't say I place my health as a top priority since I don't keep to my workout schedule.

Work takes up most of my schedule - but is it the most valuable to me now?

The writer writes:

"Show me your schedule and I'll discover the truth.

Because your schedule doesn't lie.

There can be no authentic success and lasting happiness if your daily schedule is misaligned with your deepest values. If there is a gap between what you do and who you are, you are out of integrity.

You are not walking your talk.

Your schedule is the best barometer for what you truly value and believe to be important.

Too many people talk a good talk. But talk is cheap. Show me your schedule and I'll show you what your priorities are."

Mine? Just surviving life.

But I need to be living it.

Watched Xmen over the weekend and it didn't disappoint. :)

I enjoyed the opening scene when the guys were battling in various wars. I liked the story told to Wolverine about the lady in the moon (whom I thought her name should be Chang Er). I actually liked Victor. And I wish I can turn my body into diamonds as and when I wish.

Where this mutant idea came about, it certainly has its basis, though super powered mutants who try to kill one another and conquer the world may be far-fetched. Mutation is definitely ongoing - we see it in plants, in animals in somewhat unfortunate states, and these most often don't survive long enough.

Whatever does not kill you, makes you stronger.

The mozzies calling my place their feeding ground can definitely prove so. They have become immuned to the repellent and to the spray and will attack every inch of my body. They are fearless and I'm extremely helpless.

I do not know the effect of the repellent on myself since I inhale that every night. Perhaps I'm slowly mutating too.

A little sunshine will do you good ;)

We can feel summer on our skin!

and it's HOT!!!!

A bouquet of pink lilies and forget me nots at the door is just another way to start a perfect Sunday.

"Do you know how difficult it is to buy flowers that are not Carnations today?!" he said, wanting to claim however much credit for a supposed simple gesture.

And we drove along Repulse bay, with wind toussled hair and old country rock playing. I love this stretch of road - bending winding through the mountains.... until this certain point, when the sea suddenly appears right in front of you, embracing you with its vastness.

While I do wish winter would stretch on a little bit more, summer is actually quite pleasing. With summer approaching, you really feel differently. You're more ready to toss your scarfs and hoods and down jackets and opt for cottons and shorts and hats.

It's known that seasons affect moods - some in a good way, some .. not as perfect.

For me, the heat is not a good thing. I become more temperamental and would keep whining about how hot it is, as if a degree difference makes my skin burn. Definitely short of patience, cos by the time we got to Stanley, all the parking lots were full. It is always so difficult to find a parking lot in HK! Desperate, we parked some distance from Stanley and took a mini bus to the main plaza.

But I'm happy again since I got my fish-and-chips fix. :D Though shortly after, I have to pay for the calories.

I cannot remember when I last swam in the open sea. Must have been last summer. I don't like the feeling of my feet in mid water, not knowing how deep the water is. And I hate swimming without goggles. But I do it because I know you'll always swim by and let me hang on to you and just float. I guess I want to be dependent sometimes.

And you need to let me be. :)

pig careful

Last year around this time,

I was just back from Mexico -

which was a really nice city,

with loads of friendly people,

beautiful churches and museums,

food that makes you fart like a canon,

and cactuses as tall (or even taller) as I am.

I couldn't help but wonder

how things could be very different for me

if these events take an alternative turn.

Plans can only be made certain in retrospect.

Shakespeare Sonnet 47

Betwixt mine eye and heart a league is took,
And each doth good turns now unto the other:
When that mine eye is famish'd for a look,
Or heart in love with sighs himself doth smother,
With my love's picture then my eye doth feast
And to the painted banquet bids my heart;
Another time mine eye is my heart's guest
And in his thoughts of love doth share a part:
So, either by thy picture or my love,
Thyself away art resent still with me;
For thou not farther than my thoughts canst move,
And I am still with them and they with thee;
Or, if they sleep, thy picture in my sight
Awakes my heart to heart's and eye's delight.

it's been a long time since the girls went clubbing - full force.

I was trying to fight an iminent cold bug.

Going in to a crowded club and ingesting myself with toxic is not exactly the brightest idea.

It's another rainy weekend -

and i'm just home alone, staring out of the window,

with a thousand thoughts running through my head

I wonder if people believe that Bollywood dance taught by an Indian would be more authentic, or Yoga, for that matter

I just went back to gym after 3 months of inactivity.

Had wanted to join the class,

but the instructor was dressed in leopard prints and looked like she's just escaped from the wild.

She had tiger striped hair to match.

I'm usually not this critical....

but this dance class is something I cannot bear to watch.

I miss naila and julian.

some nightmares, you never seem to be able to get rid of.

Ever since I missed the damn flight

I've been having recurring nightmares of missing flights in different manner:

I missed the boarding time cos I went to grab something to eat

I missed the boarding time cos I was stuck in traffic

I missed the boarding time, even when it's a ferry and we're at the terminal.

It got even more ridiculous last night.

Me and bro were heading out somewhere.

We checked in luggages, went through security,

were told there was a flight delay...

and instead of staying put at the waiting area,

we went home!

all the while thinking that we will have enough time in between.

What were we thinking?!?!?

It's not even possible to leave the airport and just hop into a cab after we've gone through immigration.

I woke up feeling damn lost and angry at myself

and took a damn long and hot shower

and then a few things dawned upon me:

dreams hardly become reality

and if you missed the right flight,

you may never find another one.

go for the kill

The temperatures are rising

I suppose winter is really coming to an end.

It's raining again, pretty heavily...

Makes me very reluctant to go back to work when I should.

This week had been extremely taxing - physically and emotionally

I could not bring myself to work past 8 pm and I start to lose focus by 5

Also losing sleep cos of the uninvited visitors at night.

I'd get up at 4,5am in the morning, stay up for an hour or so

all the while bugged by the buzzing in my ear, and the stings on my arms and legs.

I finally bought a spray yesterday and it came in handy.

I killed visitor of the night, who attacked my palm and my cheeks,

and finally got a good night's sleep.

The announcement made on Tuesday morning was depressing, as well as shocking.

All along we were assured and reassured that we will brave the weather together, but this is apparently not the case.

I probably love my colleagues more than the work I do - good relationships make working more bearable.

Being at work on tuesday was not as pleasant. All the textbook cases of how layoffs affect staff morale, it's all true. I couldn't make myself focus at work, and didn't want to stay up to finish up the work.

It's good that jason asked me out to grab a bite and drinks. Beirut at lkf had this middle eastern mystery feel to it, with lotsa gwailos drinking and smoking shishas, and looking so happy.

My thoughts kept running back to the scenes this morning. Even in such a relaxed atmosphere, I couldn't let go. It hurt to see them leave - the ones who are truly kind to me.

I asked jason if it's bad, unprofessional of me to let my emotions run haywire in the office, and he said it's fine, i just need to let it out of my system.

And that, i did,

coupled with goldfish eyes to work this morning.

rainy monday blues

As I looked out of my window,

part of the peak is covered with mist.

the swimming pool opposite sounds its announcement to get people of out the pool before it closes.

I have just done a pore minimising mask, and the sk2 treatment mask and watched 3 episodes of csi.

how's that for a lazy monday? ;)

Friday was equally lazy - I stayed home and cleaned up my apt.

This place gets neglected most of the time

since I spend more hours in the office than I do at home.

It's great to be 'home' (if i can call this home)

and get some me-tim, do some thinking through, or not thinking through.

Caught 'he's just not that into you' on thursday night - a good chick flick - just what I needed.

The same thoughts on love and relationship circled.

I finally wrote back

and I know we have the same emotions running whenever 突然好想你 plays.

The skies have finally cleared up,

but why don't I see any rainbows?

vices

We are the vices team.

Just done with one alcohol report,

and right onto a cigarette proposal.

And I thought I finally have some days to breathe....

March - in a post

I did not manage to keep up to my resolution of updating this space as and when i like.

But i've been missing in action, not without good reasons.

Work is just never ending. I guess I shouldn't be worried that I'll be the next to be axed. heh. The thought leaders are ever thinking of ways to give clients the edge. the buzz word is V A L U E. Same research methodology, same quality control, same data output? Ours provide more VALUE. This qtr is all about winning.

Life wise, march is a month of birthdays. mine, and a special few others. :)

Eileen was in HK to visit! Eating around, and shopping were realllllly good! I'm now a proud Giordano ladies member. More discount is more savings! and.. according to Dr. poon, i have a space suit at home. Later when asked jason if the jersey jacket looked like a spacesuit, he pointed out that my down jacket looked more like one :(

I got a new pair of Agnes B shades - the red matches my hair colour!

Mum and bro spent 9 days in HK too. I fed them full, and my bro gained 3kg. His bungy jump scared me legs weak. When jason saw me, he asked why i was trembling. To think i had actually wanted to do the jump with my crazy ass bro! We had such a packed schedule that after they left, i slept for 15 hours.

It was really nice to have my mum here on holiday. She's always so happy when she's here, but gets teary eyed when she's about to leave. The unit is empty without the two of them with me. I definitely need to get a new place once the lease ends. the landlady is simply too irresponsible.

The past few days have been raining. It gets cold, and my nose always starts to drip.

rain rain pls go away. Don't ruin my disney weekend.

Hong Kong skyline

I read the perfect description of the HK skyline:

"The helicopter flew straight up ... amid the skyline of Hong Kong, not looking at it but hanging in it, hovering like some giant insect by the steel-and-glass cliff face of the Bank of China, with the serried ranks of tower blocks marching up mid-levels to Victoria Peak, a green summit jabbing out of a drifting necklace of pearly mist, the eagles circling above.



There was nothing corny about the Hong Kong skyline. It was not like Shanghai where you always knew that the grand old buildings on the Bund were really just the beautiful leftovers of a colonial dream. This was a place that had been untouched by any ideology, a city that had never worshipped any god by money. Even now, reclaimed by the motherland, Hong Kong was all that the great cities of the mainland aspired to be." - Tony Parsons

photos -amazingly taken by Hina.

What's the possibility of ....

Dining in a restaurant and the people sitting at other tables around you order exactly the same stuff as you?

Picking up a 500 dollar note on the floor?

Working past midnight on consecutive nights?

Being within 500 m of your home, and it suddenly pours?

Simple joys

The pink fluffs this week:

- Coming back to a quiet room after hearing an entire day of noise, and waking up to your voice

- Knowing you remembered the words I most casually spoke when I've forgotten them myself

- Having something in mind, but someone else voice the exact same words out (what's the probability of that?)

- You, satisfying my every whim and fancy and agreeing to share my fats

- Catching up on each other's life, and never feeling the distance

- Laughing myself silly :D

This is what you shall do

This is what you shall do

Love the earth and the sun and the animals

Despise riches

Give alms to everyone that asks

Stand up for the stupid and crazy

Devote your income and labour to others

Hate tyrants

Argue not concerning god

Have patience and indulgence toward the people

Take off your hat to nothing known or unknown

Or to any man or number of men.

- Walt Whitman

If only we can define and live a life like that.

MIA

I know... I've gone MIA, again...

but not without a good reason,

or many good reasons.

Had to catch up on work after the CNY break.

Finally went to watch Zaia - but it didn't live up to my expectations

The Venetian bed was sooooo comfy -

too bad I caught a cold that weekend.

I always fall sick when I return to HK - not good.

And.. i've been addicted to gossip girl. :)

time to catch another episode before i go to bed.

xoxo.

Making way back ... home?

It's almost 3 and I can't sleep.

The week has passed so quickly, and oddly. It's not even half a year since I'm gone to HK to work but already I feel the distance and the not meeting of minds.

CNY is a great time for me to come home because of the public holidays and weekends, which give me more time at home instead of a mad rush to do everything over a weekend

but it's a bad time to meet up with friends. Understandably... since cny = family time and visiting and weekdays are working days.

I'm not pushing my will on people to meet up with me. I was happy to have time on my own, not working, just shopping and people watching or even just lazing at home, falling asleep on the couch.

And I do not wish to have situations where people feel obliged. It shouldn't be that way.

Friends whom i've not managed to meet and catch up, i'm sorry... but you guys will be part of the reason for me to come back home the next time i do. :)

The ones whom I did meet and we had such a great time - thanks. It was really good seeing all of you and sharing the comfort that while the world is spinning ever so quickly, there is always one hour (or more) to spare to build our special moment. ^ ^

A profile pic

I never knew how much pain a profile pic can cause

I had wanted to cry with you and say that everything is gonna be alright

but you do know that no one can help you walk out of it besides yourself.

And remember this

it's not just all sunshine and smiles -

Whatever is not posted, is the grey which is best kept secret.

The full story

Here I am
finally back home.

I had to call up jetstar to enquire for available tickets. Their system showed all tickets being sold out. I had a good 5 min chat with the operator, complaining about how ridiculous it is that I missed my flight, even when I checked in well ahead of 40 min!

So this time round, Jason made sure there's ample time to get to the airport, check in, go through immigration, and called to make sure I stay put at the boarding gate.

I felt like it was de javu all over again.

So in case I haven't told you, here's the full story... of how I missed my flight on that fateful thursday night.

I had arrived at the airport perfectly - remembering all the stuff I had to take home. Checked in my luggage, gone through immigration, and even walked past the boarding gate.

But for some reason, I thought I had sufficient time to go and buy some stuff.

See, my flight is at 815pm. From all my previous late-for-flight experiences, I had always managed to board the plane even when it's time for the plane to take off. My manila flight is the best case in point (I even had to throw away my skincare lotion, cos I was late for check in too).

But no... not with this flight.

I arrived at the boarding gate at 800pm. Another 15 min before the plane takes off. But 5 min too late - the ground staff told me the coach to the plane had already left.

What?!?! Coach to the plane??? How can I forget that this budget does that???

I tried to argue my way through, in hope of getting a buggy to take me to the plane, but NO.... unfriendly and unhelpful ground staff refused to budge.

"Go to Airline services counter."

And so I did, and so obviously the plane would have taken off.

And so I found out there are no other flights that evening, nor the following day. SQ, CX, UA... all fully booked -- Are there that many people going back to sg from hk?!?! Apparently.

And so I panicked, the thought of being stranded in hk, and missing CNY at home was terrible. Worse, my phone batt was going flat.

I made my one phone call and I ended up bawling my eyes out. Jason asked if I was kidding him. I wished it was all a nightmare and I'd wake up and everything would be alright.

The line was cut off before any solutions were offered. Phones at the airline services counter are just for internal use. And I have just a couple of coins (at times like this, I know i should have carried the damn heavy hk coins with me).

I reached for the payphone and I made the most difficult call that night - back home, to my mum. The first thing she asked me, "So soon reach sg already?" And I bawled once more. And before we could end the call properly, i ran out of coins.

It's great that there's free wifi at the airport and a bf who checks his bberry religiously. "He can pacify my mum", I thought.

So, no flights to sg, no other available ticket (and I don't want to pay and be waitlisted and having to wait at the airport), I made my way back to my hk home, WITH my checked-in luggage. Can you believe it?!?! They didn't even load my luggage on the plane!

This is indeed a series of unfortunate events which could have been prevented if:
1. the ground staff had been more proactive and helpful and assist me with calling the airline staff right away (the travelling time from gate to plane is only 3 minutes ... yes, I timed it this time)
2. the airline had identified passenger who had checked in luggage, went through immigration, so surely she must be loitering (or lost) in the airport somewhere AND make a final call for her throught the public announcement system OR her mobile -- why the hell do airlines get our contact details for??? so they can send direct emailers to junk up our mailbox????
3. the passenger had been advised that there will be a coach to the plane during check in and that would take time.

And of cos, I admit that I made the mistake of being late (but not THAT late).

Later during the night, after jason calmed my nerves and went through a list of solutions... he asked if there's anything I had learnt from this ordeal.

Yeah - never take freaking budget jet and be more demanding when you need immediate assistence.

Sigh, everyone is amazed that I can miss my flight - and in such a silly fashion too.

I guess I have run out of luck.

All the previous close-to-missing-my-flight encounters have finally drained me away of any luck.

I missed my flight back to Singapore.

It sucks. BIG TIME.

I don't even want to think about it now.

Living on a rush

Rush

Rush in

Rush hour

Rush out

Rush

I'm constantly living (or leaving) in a rush.

Yesterday was a complete rush.

No toilet visits,

no lunch,

no time to waste.

Surprisingly gives me a high.

I get a high typing furiously and watching alphabets and words appear just as I think them.

I got a high packing up and cleaning up my place last night, knowing I'd be on the flight home tonight.

Rush.

A mad airport rush in 4 hours' time. :)

Is winter gone already?

Is winter gone already?

I woke up this morning and didn't feel the shivers.

Stepped out of my apartment and I could feel the heat building up.

My overcoat was redundant.

Is winter gone already?

Please don't let it be gone so soon.

my tooth dream

It is either the lack of discipline to put my retainers on faithfully, all the time except when I'm eating...

or the feeling that something is really amiss.

my teeth started to misalign a little...

and in my efforts to 'straighten' them and forcing the retainers back on,

one tooth fell out.

The gap was unmistakable.

I let out a horrifying scream

and gladly found myself waking up from this nightmare.

I did a quick search on 'tooth dreams' and this may probably be the closest interpretation I found:

"The next time you dream about losing teeth, before trying to figure out what it means, ask yourself how the dream made you feel. Oftentimes, it is not the dream of the teeth falling out that creates the disturbance to the psyche but the feelings that accompany the dream.

There is often a feeling of helplessness, of powerlessness--the teeth are coming out and there is nothing the dreamer can do to stop the process. Sometimes teeth fall out, sometimes they are simply missing, sometimes they crumble away. Whichever way they make their exit, the dreamer is left with not only a gap in her smile, but a hole in her heart when she awakens.

Tooth loss dreams may also symbolize a fear of abandonment, of being left behind with no recourse. Look at your relationships and see if any of them are leaving you with feelings of insecurity.

Another interesting way of translating tooth loss dreams may be a fear of giving away too much information, a spilling of secrets, or a fear of being lied to."

I don't want to have another tooth losing dream.

Ignorance is bliss?

Ignorance is bliss?

Is it really?

What happens at the point when you're unexpectedly transported out of the state of ignorance?

you'll feel pain multiplied

and you'd wish you aren't so stupid to believe

and that ignorance is not bliss.

The winter freeze

HK observatory has issued a COLD warning, even indicating danger of Frost in the New territories area and up on the hills.

I'm very glad I managed to get enough warm clothing over the weekend, and SALE is everywhere. Now I just have to figure out where to put away all these coats and jackets once winter is over.

I can see wrinkles on my neck. How scary is that?!?! It is not just wrinkles... I would call them deep grooves - I've never had them when I was in Singapore. This winter freeze is drying up my skin like never before. The skin on my hands and shin crack like the surface of any drought.

I hope it's not too late to slap up on moisturisers.

Can I say....

I am really happy this week?

- I kept to my new bio clock: waking up early getting to work by 9am and getting in bed before midnight, doing a little reading just before i knock the lights out.

- It was a productive work week: lotsa time-sensitive assignments which I managed to meet. Even though I spent the whole of Saturday in the office, it was good.

- I have a new desk at work! It's at this cozy corner with a mini bird's eye view on who's walking about and much closer to the pantry too! And I did a little spruce cleaning of the new work area - sqeaky clean. Finally a new phone with screener so I'd know who's calling. :)

- Keeping up with the gym runs (though not seeing the results yet, but closely monitoring it)

- J has been the sweetest: dropped by for a surprise lunch; took me to chinese desserts just cos the night was too cold and I had asked for something nice and warm in the middle of the night.

- Friday dinner with Ernest, (and friend) and zhijin was great. Ernest looked like a burnt African chicken and zhijin nicely snugged in her cardigan and coat. It was like 10 degrees on fri night or something and I was so severely unprepared for it.

- And so happy to see zhijin happy with my xmas gift! :))

Can I say I'm very proud of myself?

YES!

my player went haywire today and just kept on playing a buzzing sound just when I was about to leave the office to hit the gym -
so I decided to skip gym since I don't think I will be able to survive the treadmill for 45 min without any music.

I wonder if my body was the one resisting the workout instead of my player.

Had been reading a friend's blog for the past couple of days and he spoke about the differences between music and noise. To quote him, "The difference between them is that, while noise can only fill space—banish it—music can both fill and create space. Or, I should say, music can do either. Depending on the sensibility of the listener, that is."

Interesting thought, I've never looked at music/noise like that. Our primary school education would have taught us that matter is anything that occupies space and has a mass.

Sound would not be classified as matter, similarly for shadows and light. But creating space is something entirely different yea?

It adds a whole new dimension to our living life. :D

Time on my hands

I finally got some time to cut my fingernails today. And it's only because one of it cracked. I hadn't cut it in months?

It made me wonder how I manage my time to do everything else, but neglect some others - which can be really important.

Nail - cutting is important - the time you take for personal grooming is therapeutic.
The little seconds / minutes you sneak in to do mindless stuff - things which are technically not productive.

On the other hand, I had a productive day at work today - almost crazy. I didn't even have much time to go to the loo. Friday please hurry come.

I read two chapters of Tony Parsons' My Favourite Wife (which mich left behind). My aim is to finish reading this before I head back to SG. 16 more days to go. :)

Salsa me away

When Becky said Salsa is a mix of everything put together
I had the strangest thought of 'Rojak'.

So the first Salsa class didn't end too badly :)New York style.

I've done other types of dance - Hip hop and cheerleading are not such contact sport/dance and you actually can count the beats. With Salsa, it brings a whole new world of beats - drums - music to the ears.

J said he's tone deaf, but he actually did pretty well - at least we weren't stepping on each other's feet.

Though I realise I have a problem doing partnering. The guy takes the lead in Salsa dancing, but I have a hard time following the cues.

Towards the end of the night, J thanked me for taking him along - saying he enjoyed the class and dancing, I thanked him for agreeing to come along, not everyone agrees to my whims. There were only 5 guys in a class of 20+!

Back home, when I closed my eyes, I feel the beat in my heart, hear it in my ears, and I want to dance it with my feet and I can't wait for more Salsa steps to learn next week :)

First working day of 2009

Officially, today is my first working day of 2009.

Everyone was still basking in the holiday fun (hangover) last Friday

while I nursed my runny nose and sore throat.

The weekend had been an alcohol rehabilitation of sorts

and also paid off some of my sleep debts.

I was so tired,

I couldn't even make myself go for a quick dinner

with fion and co,

so I merely lugged my big bag of new winter clothing home

and hit the sack before midnight.

Had a quick chat with Guy -

it's been sometime since we touched base.

He highly recommended The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

and said I would love the movie;

I'll catch that when it starts showing in HK,

or Singapore when I make it back later this month.

He thinks I'm too driven, so a little mellowness would help me -

take slower steps, have some quiet time alone

and figure out where I'm standing.

Sound advice -

which I took.

I went for facial

and got myself running at the gym again.

Travelled a little further,

over to the Kowloon side

and Jason and I had our hands on Mario racing game at the dingy arcade.

Sunday was spent alone;

except I took some time in the morning to visit the doc again

and took a little more time to buy stuff at Sogo

and a lot more time just going through past facebook photos and old emails.

I spend a lot of time going through the past...

I wonder if that's even a good use of my time.

I thought about my new year resolutions

and then I thought about how i'm going to keep to them.

tough.

but I'll still try.

And i did make it.

Early wake up in the morn, got to work at 8am.

Good breakfast and start to a new day.

Busy day at work - productive, but not quite effective

Went to the gym and sweat it out.

And I blogged

and I read.

And I'm going for salsa tomorrow night.

Finally!

After much talk of wanting to learn it properly...

2009 is going to be fantastic.

I just have to keep the fun going.

:)

photographic memories

I have a total of 146 photo albums on facebook in a time frame of 1.5yrs... and that is not even counting the ones I posted from friend's albums.

That makes 8 albums in a month, 2 albums a week!

it's amazing how time and memories are captured, isn't it?

Happy New 2009

A happy new year, a happy new you.

It is a ritual for most people, including myself, towards the end of every year, to reflect and think upon events in 2008, but I've been too sick and busy to do that.

I had let myself get sucked into the holiday partying despite not being in the best of health.

Time for celebrations - for a fantastic 2008 passed, and a fabulous 2009 ahead.



Sometimes, I get too neurotic for my own good.
Just like tonight.
Perhaps the cold is really getting to me.

I need to curl up in bed.

the final week of 2008

I cannot believe I am spending the last week of 2008

nursing my severe sore throat,

incessant coughing and dripping nose.

I have done pretty much nothing,

except take my pills,

get in and out of sleep and watch time tick by.

Totally not doing anything constructive.

I spent 2 hours screaming in pain on bed this afternoon.

the worst cramps ever.

I had wanted to just roll out of bed,

knock my head and pass out,

so I won't feel the pain anymore.

Maybe I'm getting punished for all the indulgence over the xmas period.

period.

突然好想你

五月天's new album is making me cry a lot and I cannot explain why.

Whenever the slow songs play, I'd take a 5 min break and listen to it, just listening to it.

Such songs tug the heart strings at the deepest corners of my heart and I start to sniff.

突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

A dream, or a plan?

Yun sent me this link: http://www.colinandyenyen.com/wordpress/paved-with-good-intentions/
which I spent a good one hour plus reading, and digesting
(amidst checking facebook and catching up on world news)

and if you don't have that much time to read,

here's something I picked out from colin and yenyen.

"Consider these 2 stories. Which is closer to yours?

You wake up everyday and work from Monday to Friday, and often, Saturday too. If you finish work early, you and your partner go to your parents’ place for dinner and see your child for a few hours.

If you work late, you buy a packet of char kway teow from the hawker centre but eat it at home because it’s too warm to eat there. You’re not crazy about the job but you know that if you keep at it, you can afford a car in 3 years’ time, and in 5 years’ time, buy a condo close to the primary school you want to send your kid to. Your conversations with people are either for the purpose of networking, work, or for familial obligations you cannot avoid.

On weekends, you play golf with your friends at your country club or watch a movie with your partner. Once a year, you go on a ten day vacation to New York, London, or Paris, and when your children are big enough, Disneyland.

Alternatively, you wake up and you have no idea what is going to happen today, tomorrow, 6 months or a year later. Ironically, because of this uncertainty, all possibilities exist for you.

You can be the Prime Minister of Singapore, you can make a movie, you can cook a meal you have never cooked before, eat at a place you have never eaten before, you can color your hair red, you can skip instead of walk, you can volunteer at the school you have always wanted to volunteer at, you can write a book, or you can have a baby even though you don’t have a maid.

You have conversations with people who set your heart palpitating and your mind on fire. Your weekday is not so different from your weekend because everyday you are thinking, creating, and more important, imagining.

Most of us recognize the first story and its pursuit of the 5 Cs of “cash, condo, car, country club, credit card.”

It is the Plan, which imposes a conclusion on you, and you work in order to make all the pieces fit. A bus stop advertisement I saw recently said it best: “We spend all our youth chasing money, and when we attain it, we spend all our money chasing youth.”

A Dream, on the other hand, carries you on its wings to worlds that your heart and mind have never known."

Yun commented I had gotten out of the Singapore mould and am starting to live my dream.

Perhaps, to a certain extent.

I would have been perfectly satisfied going forward with the Singapore Plan.

Those were the stuff me and mr goh used to discuss.

It is an enviable plan if all pieces of the jigsaw fit.

But I had been greedy and I wanted more.

I didn't want to be kept in.
so I made the choice to move to Hong Kong. I want to see what other places have to offer me,
and how much further I can push myself

My new job allowed me to do more thinking,

we try to be creative and innovative.

I wake up every morning, knowing the stuff I have to get done,

and not knowing the other ad hoc stuff which needs to get done.

There is a wee bit of uncertainty and element of surprise.

I have conversations with people who make me think, and laugh,

and set my heart racing.

Perhaps I'm now transiting between the first scenario to the second.

I still think about the first scenario sometimes... it's such a comfort zone.

I also start to wonder
if I'm just making myself to believe that I'm pursuing my dreams;

when in fact, I'm still following the blueprint,
just in a different city, with different characters.

There is only so much people can plan,
but a lot more which we can dream about.

It's not easy to live your dream;
but we all try, at least.

sniff sniff

Winter is here again. It's funny how you'd wake up one morning and find that the weather's changed completely.

I like winter, other than the fact that it always makes me sick - sniff sniff.

Last year, i told mich that i'd want to remember this feeling for a long time - of the cool breeze on my face under the sun; of snuggling comfy in bed a little longer in the mornings; of not having to worry about bad hair days ... while thinking i'm ending my hk hiatus.

I had never thought things would take such a turn and i'm back here again.

the past two weeks have been busy, as usual.

I was a butterfly one night; and a pirate the next.

j's trailwalker 100km hike lasted 30 hours.

my helim balloon lost much of its helium after the long wait, and after all the whacking in the wind. I still cannot imagine why anyone is so passionate and enthusiastic about doing a 100km hike, or go for foot massages....

I prefer to go cycling (actually, more so rollerblading -

but I think the roads in HK is far too bumpy).

A good get away from work - which never seems to be ending, nor stops to pile.

our little weekend get away at ho chi minh city really took my mind off work.

My fav part of the trip has got to be crawling through the cu chi tunnel, and riding in the city, and of cos the food! I wish I know some basic Vietnamese though, it's always nice to chat up the locals. :)

my sneezing frenzy has just started again. better head to bed.

why am I always not in the best of health when you come visit, mich??

in love, in memory

Read this from somewhere and
thought it's really well written -

so i'm sharing it with you. :)

Life is an act of resistance

and of re-existence;

we live,

re-live.

But everything is held in our memory.

We are what we remember,

our memory is our nomadic home.

As the plants or the emigrant birds,

the memories have the strategy of the light.

They go forward,

like the rower who moves from behind to see better.

There is a pain similar to a toothache,

to the physical loss,

and it is to lose a memory that we love.

Those essential photos in the album of our life.

That’s why,

there is a kind of melancholy that does not catch,

but nourishes freedom.

In that melancholy

as foam on the waves,

our dreams arises.

你不是真正的快乐

你不是真正的快乐



真的?

人群中 哭著

你只想變成透明的顏色

你再也不會夢

或痛

或心動了

你已經決定了

你已經決定了

你靜靜 忍著

緊緊把昨天在拳心握著

而回憶越是甜

就是越傷人了

越是在 手心留下

密密麻麻 深深淺淺 的刀割

你不是真正的快樂

你的笑只是你穿的保護色

你決定不恨了

也決定不愛了

把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

這世界 笑了

於是妳合群的一起笑了

當生存是規則

不是 你的選擇

於是妳 含著眼淚 飄飄盪盪 跌跌撞撞 的走著

你不是真正的快樂

你的笑只是你穿的保護色

你決定不恨了

也決定不愛了

把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂

你的傷從不肯完全的癒合

我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河

難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了

然後才後悔著

你值得真正的快樂

你應該脫下你穿的保護色

為什麼失去了

還要被懲罰呢

能不能就讓 悲傷全部

結束在此刻

重新開始活著

I am finally getting my life back.

:)

Halloween friday was a blast!

The Bledisloe cup was a blast!

Second round of halloween partying on sat night was a blast!

Getting 7 hours of sleep over 2 nights is crazy,

but I'm lovin' it!

Retail therapy

Retail therapy

works.

I have never splurged so much on myself one weekend
when I'm back in Singapore.

A bunch of winter clothes, skin care, a new watch, hairdo, accessories.

Staying in causeway bay has much to contribute.

On top of that, I try to justify my irrational spending
by how hard I work during the week.

And according to Kain, our HK salary has just grown in value by 10%.

Great way to spend those HK dollars ... on sing dollars stuff... which I did:



These are just too pretty to resist! from www.ochacream.com

Although zhijin said I can probably find similar stuff at mongkok... at much cheaper price....

oh well. I need some pampering.

I find that I'm pampering myself a lot more here in HK.

Am I really that unhappy here?

hurting

Love is like my retainers - a life time, if not long term, commitment.

I am supposed to wear it all the time, but I don't.

I don't wear it when I have to eat and I need the space and I need to make sure I don't crack it.

I keep it snugly in my bag, and I'll wear it every now and then.

If I lose it, my teeth will go out of alignment.

So how can this love continue when you're not here with me?

I hope you understand that I tried - I really did.

I just got reminded of the pain again.

why?

the joy of giving

Yesterday, zhijin told me she received a bouquet of flowers

and it made her day.

That's when I start to think how happy I was when I received flowers

out of the blue, for no particular reason.

I get caught up with work these days that I've stopped doing those extra little something for people, the ones I care about.

I recalled those days in sec school when we'd pass the 'chocolates' - Person A writes a note to Person B, along with a bar of choc, and B will do so for C and C for D and it goes on until A receives something.

Full circle.

So I did something today

to let you know I care about you(s).

The giver of joy receives double the joy.

-for jason-
The giver of surprises feels fantastic.

-for michelle-

snapping out of it

I walked out of my office feeling the strangest of feelings this evening

It was as if the entire day had been a dream

my vision blurred as I stepped out of the elevator

strangers whizz past me

I am nobody to them

as they don't matter to me

this is not home

and I want to snap out of it.

Getting active

Yesterday was Chung Yeung Festival - a public holiday in Hong Kong.

Being the pig that I am, it's time to get my big fat ass moving again. So I happily agreed to Kain's invitation to join him and his friends for a game of badminton at Kowloon sports complex early in the morning. It's been some time since I crossed the harbour and made it to the other side. I had forgotten how long it'd take and ended up being '18 minutes' late (yes, kain counted).

The morning air was chilly - perhaps a sign that autumn is soon to be over. We had macs for breakfast and the guys wouldn't stop making fun of me - how I had asked for 'Fan Kaey' (tomato) instead of 'Kaey zup' (ketchup/tomato sauce). Nb. Kain said he would only have Macs in the morning cos the oil they use is the freshest. Man... who thinks of such things???

We had a couple of matches - won some, lost some. I need to perfect my serve and not keep serving 'char siew' for the other team to 'eat'. :P

Two hours and a blink of an eye later, we packed up and left for more food!

Australia Diary Co. - supposedly serves the BEST scrambled eggs and toast. With the egg mcmuffin in the morning, i had a total of 3 eggs in a day. tsk tsk. So much for trying to be healthy.

Dinner was at Tsim Sa Tsui, indian food. Thank you for suggesting that - i know you saw my whining about missing prata. Although they didn't really have prata... it was good. The curry lamb and the chick peas were delicious. The elevator to the restaurant was kinda scary though - very old school.

And it was nice to meet up with your old time friend Steph -

it meant as much to me as it did to you. :)

In bed, I had difficulty sleeping.

I tried my best to nurse an aching body while my mind was still actively running with thoughts.

And it didn't help that I was walking like a crab / pregnant woman and saying 'ouch' under my breath with every step i take throughout the entire day today.

The first flames of October

The first week of October started with a blast - literally.

We were just out of the Hong Kong Arts Centre (HKAC) after watching the Spanish film El Bola. Was on our way to look for dinner food, when we heard loud blasts, and echoes of them. I had thought it was going to rain until I saw the reflections of the fireworks on the buildings and a mad rush of crowd charging in one direction.

We managed to catch it - a good 20 minutes of fireworks, with children around us going Wah Wah WAH each time the blasts went off. I love the red and gold and blue ones the most. The green ones somehow remind me of alien invasion - i don't know why.

You held me in your arms and we just watched the fireworks go off. Watching fireworks together is probably on the list of 'Top romantic things to do' for a lot of people. But somehow, that was not the first thing on my mind.

I thought of the previous fireworks I had watched with my significant others at different points in my life and I start to think that yes, everything beautiful will end - just a matter of when.

If you're lucky, you get the next burst of flames, an ongoing parade of fireworks one after another. If you're not so lucky, you just have to wait for the next parade, some time later. Time .. is relative.

I really shouldn't have thought so much and enjoyed the moment with you, and kiss you and let you know i'm happy to be with you right there and then.

Nonetheless, thanks for making such a lovely evening.

The spanish film was thought-provoking and rather unsettling. It speaks of domestic violence, repressed childhood, inner conflicts and a ray of hope. I was particularly appalled at how kids can taunt one another to play silly games like grabbing a bottle placed right in the middle of a track just seconds before the train whizzes past, with the two players on either side of the track. Winner is the one who picks up the bottle first. Or more accurately, the one who doesn't have his brains flattened by the oncoming train.

It was a very good film, very real. Go watch it if you have the chance.

Dinner was good too - we sat on swings and had too much salad, anti pasti, and pizza. You shared with me stories of your fraternity and we spoke about how our parents fell in love. The night could have gone on with endless conversation if not for the fact that it's a working day the next day and you have to start earning your 'brownie points'. ;)

Rainy days like this

make me miss home much.

Pierced

I did the most amazing thing on myself this morning -

All dressed up and good to go to work,

I realised i forgot to wear the ear ring on my helix.

So, I poked around for 5-10 minutes,

trying to get the ear ring in

until I got fed up.

The piercing has miraculously decided to heal overnight.

So I gave it one hard jab to get it through

Next thing i saw

BLOOD.

Ok, breathe.

Got it through the front,

now gotta stab it right across to the back.

Poked around a bit more

a little bit harder

and the next second later

my vision blurred

I felt nauseous

and wanted to puke

checked my watch

damn. 9.05am

I'm late for work.

Then I collapsed,

and hugged the toilet bowl
and tried to throw up.

I broke into cold sweat,

trembling.

And I passed out,

for a good 15 min.

9.20am

Had to call in sick.

Please don't ever try this at home, alone.

Hurt like hell, and I thought i was going to die.