I am so tired

of searching.

you are right when you say it makes a difference.

we can hear our voices, our words right by the ear piece

but we don't necessarily pay attention.

Damn ta ma de frustrating.

Don't mess with Mr. Goh

Over the years, I have learnt not to mess with Mr. Goh although I must say he's possibly the most good-natured guy I've ever met. I have seen him blow his top less than 5 times (most often on the soccer field but I only watched him play soccer for like, 2 times in his entire soccer history).

and yes, he has been very tolerant of all my nonsense too. putting up with my 'xiao jie pi qi'.

but tonight, he reallly got MADDDDD.

It all happened like this...

After watching death note, we dropped by the citibank booth cos Mr goh wanted to sign up for some cards and this ah beng looking person served us, happily asked for all the details, told mr goh to send in his cpf form la, what not la.... chatted me up with the 'halloween@zouk' topic...

and we happily went for dinner.

when mr goh still looks like a good nice puppy.....

UNTIL HE FOUND THAT HIS IC IS NOT WITH HIM.

fwah. HOT LIAO.

i told him the citibank guy didn't return his IC to him. so we called up that fella, who insisted that there's no way the IC could still be at the booth, cos if it was, his colleagues would have seen it.

Fwah. even more HOT.

the thought of having to go through the procedures (going to make police report, make time to go to immigration centre to have a new IC done, take new IC photos...etc etc) and the thought of another 100 bucks or so flying away... After spending money to fix the 'lobang' on the car... Fwah... HOT to the max.

until i sat like a little rabbit next to him. watching him speed off on the highway, not saying anything, 'machiam' the silent killer. And my toes curled. my mouth zipped. my fists clenched. praying that on the way back to the citibank booth, he wouldn't meet with another accident again.

Heng the booth still there when we reached ah!

and INDEED, the IC was still on the photocopier when the fella took it to zap. I clearly rememebered he didn't return it to us. Heng the workers were still clearing the booth.

I could hear the 'thud' sound on mr goh's heart as he finally put down a big stone from his heart (Xiong1 kou3 fang4 xia4 yi1 li4 da4 shi2).

(kids, don't do this at home, or anywhere.....)

to the citibank fella.

my bf is a MONSTER.
but he was nice enough to buy some cakes for the workers who helped find his IC. Niceeee...

GRRrrrrRRrrr........

I am feeling Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Is EQ and PR skills that difficult to acquire?

yes, they call the shots, so they can have it their way. but i'm sure there are better ways to arrange things so everyone will be happy?

and yes, i do agree that you can't please everybody. but at least please some of them?

so logically thinking, if i'm not one of those they want to make happy, then i'm probably not important.

and if i'm not important, then why include me in the first place?

so why include me in the first place when i'm not important? so will it matter if i make my presence felt or not? maybe i'm just there to make up the numbers, it's probably more of an obligation. a must do, instead of want to do.

which i truly hope it is not.

which i hope there realllllllllly is something irreconcilable such that the present arrangement is realllllllllly surellllllllly the ABSOLUTE necessary.

i want to be there with a truly happy heart, not one which carries blessings and yet bogged down by immense upset-ness.

but ultimately, I know i'd only be happy when that one decision is made.

Yes, i can be really difficult.

Cage me. Roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

The breakdown of our 4 year old washing machine almost caused a family crisis.

by that i mean the family falling apart. It is ridiculous. my mum seriously need to control her temper. Maybe I need to control mine too, but compared to hers, mine is really 'small house see big house'.

and i don't know what's up with my bro. trying to act cool and quiet.

BAH.

pls make tmr a better day.

I am not eligible....

for the PROGRESS BONUS!!!

$800!!!!! I can already imagine what I will do with that amount of money! But I can only imagine...

and i'm still waiting for my pink IC and citizenship certificate.

It's really no fun:
1) watching everybody else around me getting their big belated ang bao.
2) walking around with a blue ic that's punched with a hole. People look at me as if I'm from outer space.

So, clubs and movies that are not PG are out of the question for me. and someone should tell everyone that when there's a hole punched in your IC, it means it is your temporary ic until you get your pink one to save me from explaining myself to everybody.

frustration...

i think i can nvr come to terms with my bf clubbing with his friends.

i'm such a petty woman. so typically irrational. always full of angst. Surprisingly, only when the above mentioned activity takes place, well, most of the time at least. It's so frustrating. for the few hours of that night, i won't be able to concentrate on anything. i'd do things to occupy my mind. (read: be couch potato, paint my nails, cut my split ends and the like) it's as if the angel and devil in me decides to bicker for endless hours.

the angel saying, "oh....it's just a guy's nights out. nothing wrong with that, i have my fair share of sweeties outing too. i trust he won't do anything silly that will make him regret for LIFE(okay...this sounds like the devil in the angel, vicious)"

"BUT," devil rebuts,"sweeties outings dun involve booze (lotsa it), smoke (enough to shorten your life by a week), and ogling at the female species (and/or the male) AND reaching home in the wee hours of the morning. WASTED.

so why can't guys have normal outings? why is it that when they meet, it must definitely involve booze? my brother is like that too. he likes to go cheong, drink beer, stout, vodka and the list goes on. my mum is worried but i told her not to be. (how ironic, considering the way i am behaving now) every guy his age does that. *ting ting!* Ah...now i know when the clubbing habit begins... when boys were only free during the weekends and all they could think of is to hit the clubs. dirty habits die hard.

The only time i enjoyed myself when clubbing with mr goh was when we 1st got to know each other (go figure). the rest of the times were just bad. i was inhaling the smoke while he was drowning in booze. and i wasn't allowed to drink coz apparently i can hold my breath better than the liquor.

sigh...guess i will be better off by being indifferent.

venus will never understand mars.

I want to kill myself!

I want to kill myself. I dropped the ipod mini in less than 48 hours. I want to kill myself. Now there is a small dent at the corner. I want to kill myself. I know i will drop it sooner or later. I want to kill myself. I know i will drop it and I shld have known better, being the klutz that i am. I want to kill myself!!!

my heart is in shreds.