I think I made a very good friend upset lately.
To him, I am the Pang seh queen (meaning: I always cancel/postpone my meetings with him and/or the gang), time again and again and again. I feel really sorry about those times too when something will just SUDDENLY pop up out of nowhere and plans made with him have to change. Personally, I'm someone who really loves things planned and hate last minute changes. I plan what to do for weekends before they even arrive, what to wear to work tmr before i fall to sleep, what lunch/dinner should I have, and I even plan to plan.
So I can perfectly understand why he is "cheng sim" and does not wish to arrange another meeting with me again. He says he is so tired of looking forward to meeting me, only to be subjected to more and more postponing. There is one thing which really upset me as well when he said that it seems that I can meet with anyone except him. On one hand, I'm really sorry that I'll have to postpone it (yes, again; for the 3rd or 4th time in a row)
But on the other hand, i was quite mad. I know honestly that I didn't arrange those meetings with him, just so I can postpone them and purposely make him feel so cheng sim. I didn't purposely set our meetings to be on days which I know I will have something planned for. And i seriously did not see those events popping up which had me do what I did. It takes two hands to clap; just one to slap. I don't know which one is happening now. On occasions when he can't make it, I can make it. On occasions when I can't make it, he is free. and on occasions when both of us can make it, something has to disrupt it. And for him to think I'd rather meet with anyone except him, I hope that's just said in a fit of anger because I hate to be accused of something I am not. It upsets me too that he can't see the effort I am making to meet up with him (however little effort he perceives) and I don't want to arrange for another meeting with him immediately knowing that I would have done it out of obligation instead of really wanting to meet with him.
Which brings me to think about the people who are the priorities in my life...
My mum is proudly on the top of the list since she's a real menance when I don't do what she wants me to do but such a great mother with all her sacrifices made to the family. and the rest of my family memebers (dad, brother, sis, and the boys)
Followed by mr. goh, who is possibly the closest person to me (and will hopefully remain so) and who's seen so much of my disgusting and petty side.
Followed by the sweeties; who never brings a smile to my heart whenever I think of them. They're the ones who've watched me grow since secondary school, the ones whom I've cried on their shoulders and laughed in one another's faces.
so what else follows?
perhaps making my own career for now. Perhaps earning enough for future plans. Finding time to do things which I would really love to do. Keeping up the friendship with friends whom I've not seen/spoken with for a long long while. And for him to believe I would rather make time for other people (not in my priority list) than him made me really mad. Yes, I think maybe I'm more mad than sorry. Being the petty person I am, I probably will hold off talking to him for some time (it's been a week) since he, and not some tom dick or harry, should have known me better.
1 comment:
Very good friend <--- this term is often used very loosely, descrbing just the average mediocre friend, someone who do not really give a flying fuck about how you really feel, really think etc. But there are some rare times whereby this term is used in all correctness, describing someone who values deeply how much it is worth to be a part of our life, and in this context, i know it is the latter. That being clearly defined, the very good friend has something to say. Very good friend feels that the 2 of you are actually not very good friends, because like he stressed it so many times over, you are someone even closer than that throughout of the 6 years of friendship, very good friend has in fact decided that you are close like family. Because all the memories involved in this r/s, be it good or bad, very good friend has hold it very close to his heart all this years. Any trips to Ikea will never be the same as THAT trip to Ikea. Every dance performance will not be as breathtaking as THAT dance performance. Every silly child movies will not be as fun as THAT spy kid movie.Every cheer leading routine will not be as exciting as THAT dance routine. Every touch will not be as warm as your touch. Between all these, every conversations will be treasured for many tides to come. I might be selfish to say this, but the ruth is as it is, the spiteful message came not with the intent to hurt, but the message was crafted and sent with all these memories in his mind and he is scared... very scared to lose all these to time and distance. Very good friend is not sorry abt sending he message.very good friend is in fact, glad he sent the message, for because of this message, very good friend knows how you feel and perhaps, that is how very good friend learn, the hard way. So very good friend want to say his to afroger... he has always love and treasure you like a family, and he wants to continue doing that. what says afroger?
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