Pain

I don't even have words for it.

do I really want this?

Mulling over the options

When one door closes, another one opens

or in my case now, two more opened.

I finally plucked up my courage to approach boss this morning

white envelope in my head

one look at it and he knows what's going on in my head

'do you have some time for coffee downstairs?'

'Sure.'

Awkward silence while waiting for the elevator....

'So...you're resigning...'

'Yea, i've accepted an offer in Hong Kong'

Shocked look on face.

'This is not a good year for me.'

(I know.)

I told boss this is an opportunity for me to work overseas

he went into a rage

'but i've sent you overseas!'

I got pricked by guilt at this moment...

'I know boss.. but .. but.. '

'Well, is there anything I can do to make you stay?'

I should have said no. I should have said I've made up my mind.

And then he carried on...

'a longer secondment in hk? more responsibilities? anything?'

And i made the mistake of telling him the plans i made,

the route i had in my mind

to go from working in a boutique firm, and progress to a larger organisation

I love research, and I believe in the work I'm doing

and i'm lucky i have good appreciative clients.

I told him my old plan of trying to find a job in australia - to be closer to my dad, mr goh (when he studies there)

'What if we place you in the sydney office? You'll be doing something different in sydney, helping out our partner with a different job scope...'

Attractive... very attractive... it's an option.

and I hate making decisions.

This is IT.

This is it.

I have made my decision.

It will be a new direction,

it is exactly as I have planned,

as I have dreamed...

just didn't expect it to be Hong Kong.

I'm learning the lesson of letting go -

getting out of the comfort zone to explore new possibilities

giving up all the perks (frequent travels, extreme flexibility, etc etc)

so many loved ones, friends, things I will miss

such is letting go...

and I can't hide my excitement

such is the conflict of emotions in me.

wish me luck.

HK - BKK

it's been a while.


the one week in HK felt longer than a week.


watched SATC the second time in HK (uncut version) on mon

didn't cry as much, but laughed harder

TUES night: went for a dance class with zhijin

Choice of music: Falling out, by Keyshia Cole

It was way good. The instructor was way good. Couldn't say the same for myself. I've slowly lost the passion for dance. I danced thinking that my steps were not good enough. extremely conscious of my moves.

I should be dancing without any inhibitions. why didn't i?

WED: never a good idea to skip lunch. I had two dresses, one blouse, a ring, a thinning wallet and an empty stomach.

Dinner was at RED at IFC with Fion and Steph. Healthy fusion food - i like. So much laughing my stomach ached.

Got tipsy with glasses of Cabernet Sauvignon, and the world started spinning, and slow dancing, and i was ... smiling. :)

THURS: butterflies in stomach. I hadn't gone for an interview in years. I mean, i meet people and conduct interviews/discussions with them... but this is different - although I thought i did farely well. I'm surprised how at ease i was when i was there. please. make it happen. Before Sunset.

FRI: the 13th. Two presentations, same set of materials, to two different groups of people. Five hours altogether. My throat was killing me. I stopped myself from talking the next couple of hours.

Dinner at cwb with fion - this girl can't bear to have me away from hk. haha. what would i do in hk without her...

It started pouring - the red storm warning. My cable signal went haywire and images appeared in spurts and slow motion. Not a good time to stay home, so we headed out to beijing club - where (I curse the day he was born!) idiot man grabbed my boobie. The Jager bomb got me. I puked that night. =.=

and I realise i don't have tears no more. why?

SAT: Mega junk day, or supposed to be mega junk day. But the rain wouldn't stop. So everybody stayed in bed, until it's time for brunch, at the press room. And it's time for me to pack my luggage, and get ready for the land of smiles.

Wanton shrimp soup and a couple rounds of walk around CWB and the girls were headed to the ifc for more shopping and lotsa sushi eating. zhijin and eileen said i have to try desserts at 'sift' before i leave hk. Best i ever had. =)

It's becoming a ritual - to go prive during the last night in hk. It was still raining, we were drenched, but spirits were not. I cannot even imagine how we ran in the rain in our high heels. Must be quite a sight. haha

SUN: Yum cha and all those philosophical talk about karma, random talk about 90's cartoon, bryan adam music.

And i almost missed my flight again.

I was the last passenger to board, but it's definitely not the last time i'm reaching the gate on the dot.

SUAN LUM with eileen - felt surreal. Feels like we never left singapore. Sooo much to catch up on, in the span of a week and she's gone back to sg the next morning.

man, i wish i can be home.

i wonder if it's a sign that I'm starting to feel more comfortable in HK

like i should belong here

then again, if you spend enough time in a place you like

you should feel this way?

had dim sum lunch at a local (very local) teahouse in central

Lian Xiang Lou

I'm hanging out with Kain and Eric like a guy

as eric aptly puts it

And went to his place to watch Saw 4.

tmd gruesome

but I haven't watched a scary movie for a reallllllly long time

did me some good

Dinner with Fion, AJ was good

just like the good old days

KTV as usual was a blast :D

The weather yesterday was perfect

sun, mountains, waters

with Joanna wang crooning her tunes

did me real good.

Black rainstorm Saturday

I picked a really bad time to arrive HK

the roads were flooded

the flight was extremely bumpy nearing HK

the luggages were late cos of a technical glitch

no cars can come in/go out of the airport

Airport express was damn packed, with extremely long Qs

I took 2.5 hours to reach central

Not exactly the most perfect airport experience

but the rest of the day made up for it

Had a good time out with Jason and Kain

drinking (non-alcoholic), and just talking nonsense

it feels like a holiday

I don't want to go to work

haha.

my teeth still ache :( and i've got mouth and tongue ulcers

how nice is that.

stayed in last night, but was awake til 2.30

woke up at 830 for some strange reason

and started doing face masks and what not

it's definitely therapeutic

:)

couldn't go mountain biking/hiking as planned

cos there are warnings of landslide :(

I MUST get some work done today.

So i can enjoy the public holiday tmr. :)

Patience does the trick

So the long hours of work is continuing for another week

as Boss switches to Plan B

we're preparing the Executive summary

even before we're done with the main reports

I haven't been exactly 110% productive at work either

this long drawn warfare is wearing me out

Colleague asked me yesterday

when do i think all these will end

she hasn't been spending time with her family and children

she asked me if i have other weekend plans

besides working,

and I answered yes,

but work is my priority now.

Afterwards, I wondered how true that is.

Did I say it cos I want to motivate her to work harder

finish her part of the god damn project

or did i really mean it.

I know there's some neglect for family and loved ones

I will make up for it

and just hope that it won't be too late.

The lilies are wilting...

but I was in for more surprise

when the lily buds bloomed.