Taiwan 2010

Just returned from road trip in Taiwan - a full 10 days.

Coupled with my bronchitis medical leave, I haven't been to work for 2 weeks.

Zee sent out an email she wrote but didn't send out a long time ago.

It reminded me of how I need to take control of my time, and also reminded me of this blog.

Updating my space online was therapeutic for me, growing up.

I need to continue to do that. :)

My Sister's keeper

it's been a damn long while since i had any updates here.

As I've mentioned before, fb is eroding my space here. I thought about setting a new site, you know. Start anew. But this is me. ME! Something that shouts ME!

Haha.

So some quick updates of what's been happening:

- Was kinda preoccupied with Ris low, watching all her clips on youtube. She's quite a character really. And in this world where everything can be mass produced, isn't it great that you find an uncut stone, which you never know.... may turn out to be a gem instead ;)

- And, I do have a leopard print scarf, which I did pair with Khaki once. :D

- Weddings: Patsy/Victor's and Angela/Ricky's. Every wedding has its own build up story. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy. All the stuff they've been through. Getting used to each other's idiosyncracies. Making a pact to remain faithful and loving to each other.

Sometimes i get frustrated when I don't know where all these is going for myself. But I suppose I can't push fate.

And watching 500 days of Summer reminded me of that, again. :)

- Movies: which brings me to the entire list of movies I've watched lately. 500 days of summer tops the list and the soundtrack is so cool. If I'm gay, I'd have zooey's pictures all over my wall, and on top of my ceiling, so she'd be the last thing I see before I go to bed, and when I wake up in the mornings :)
I watched The ugly truth too.... and truth be told... it's ugly. The leads are pretty, but the story kinda didn't gel that well with me.
My sister's keeper - the movie that made me cry and cry and cry throughout. And when I retold the story to j, i cried and cried and cried. Even as i'm typing this, i'm sniffing. Death is scary - I don't know if i'd be able to handle it.

- Oktober: Month of drinking and decadence, and farewells, and welcoming. Happy that Grace joined the HK pack. :)

- November.... one more month before we say goodbye to 2009. Have you looked at your resolution list again, and tick off all that you've planned out to do?
I definitely made some effort to do some of them..... and others which I had not planned to do. the 10km unicef run, for example. It's causing me back aches. Let's see how I fare.

2010 - are we there yet?

There are songs that make us want to dance

songs that want to make us want to sing along

but the best songs are the ones that bring you back to the moment you first heard them

and once again, break your heart

insecurity

Whenever we have something planned in the near future to be completed together, i feel a wash of happiness over myself.

I wonder if it's cos I never thought we'd go this far, and any planning ahead meant a couple of additional months together...

Did I use to think this way?

You said you don't want your heart to be brokened by a girl again, you're too old for that.

I worry I'd suffer your fate instead.

Perhaps the only way forward is to look ahead, in the same direction, hand in hand.

Facebook is eroding my time to blog :(

The speed of which I upload pictures of my activities in HK is not catching up the activities I do.

and I have not really had time to sit down, breathe, watch the seconds tick by, and reflect.

So one minute of reflection I shall do now.

I am really upset tonight. All the good laughs aren't able to cover one prick.

Why can't people see the good in other people?
Or is it human nature to assume the worst in people?

My singaporean group is shrinking in hk.... :(

first gone xm...

then now my 2 ktv kakis, and clubbing g - all at the same time.

It makes me wonder if HK is losing its magic on me too?

K says I shouldn't worry too much,

as long as j is not losing his magic on me.

I suppose that is one of the few beacons of light at night.

五月天-如烟

我坐在床前
望着窗外回忆满天
生命是华丽错觉
时间是贼偷走一切

七岁的那一年
抓住那只蝉
以为能抓住夏天
十七岁的那年
吻过他的脸
就以为和他能永远

有没有那麽一种永远
永远不改变
拥抱过的美丽
都再也不破碎
让险峻岁月不能
在脸上撒野
让生离和死别都遥远
有谁能听见

我坐在床前
转过头看谁在沉睡
那一张苍老的脸
好像是我紧闭双眼
曾经是爱我的
和我深爱的
都围绕在我身边
带不走的那些
遗憾和眷恋
就化成最后一滴眼泪

有没有那麽一滴眼泪
能洗掉后悔
化成大雨降落在
回不去的街
再给我一次机会
将故事改写
还欠了他一生的
一句抱歉

有没有那麽一个世界
永远不天黑
星星太阳万物都
听我的指挥
月亮不忙着圆缺
春天不走远
树梢紧紧拥抱着树叶
有谁能听见

耳际眼前此生重演
是我来自漆黑
而又回归漆黑
人间瞬间天地之间
下次我又是谁

有没有那麽一朵玫瑰
永远不凋谢
永远骄傲和完美
永远不妥协
为何人生最后会像
一张纸屑
还不如一片花瓣
曾经鲜艳

有没有那麽一张书签
停止那一天
最单纯的笑脸和
最美那一年
书包里面装满了
蛋糕和汽水
双眼只有无猜和无邪
让我们无法无天

有没有那麽一首诗篇
找不到句点
青春永远定居在
我们的岁月
男孩和女孩都有
吉他和舞鞋
笑忘人间的苦痛
只有甜美

有没有那麽一个明天
重头活一遍
让我再次感受
曾挥霍的昨天
无论生存或生活
我都不浪费
不让故事这麽的后悔
有谁能听见
我不要告别

我坐在床前
看着指尖已经如烟

The concert was a blast!

When they got to this song, i got teary eyed.

i'm a diehard csi fan

I'm a diehard csi las vegas fan, truly.

I have completed seasons 6-9 - while doing so, I realised some cases are brought over to the next season. It would make better sense if I start where it all begins - back at 1.

And so I did. Grissom looked much younger. Warrick had a betting habit. Catherine's Lindsay is just a baby girl. Nick is still as cute. Sarah hadn't had any feelings for Grissom yet.

These characters are like family to me, when I'm confined to the 4 walls of my apartment.

I laugh with them, I cry with them, I want to catch the bad guys with them.

There had been some debate over the show... that it 'educates' criminals; that to break the law, you have to learn the law and pray that you get away scot free. But I don't think it's all that easy in reality.

Sometimes I do imagine how I'd be like, to be one of these criminals; to callously take someone's life away and it gives me the shudders. There is no 'kick' to see life draining from someone's eyes. I want to see life in someone's eyes - a sparkle.

I get nightmares sometimes. Dreams of myself being a victim; of losing someone dear. It's terrible.

I'm so addicted to csi that I wish to be a forensics scientist too. People lie, but the evidence doesn't. It's all about putting the jigsaw puzzle together to find the truth.

In one of the episodes, Grissom spoke about this Harvard philosophy lecturer he met on a plane, who told him this observation:

"Every day after his 3-hour lecture, he would go to take a leak.

And as he flushed, he noticed a spider struggling against the flush on the side of the bowl.

The next day he'd go back again, and the same spider would still be there.

After a couple of days, he decided to put the spider out of misery, took a napkin, and scooped the spider out to place it at a corner.

The next day he went back, the spider is dead."

Get the morale of this story?

Human's actions have an effect. You don't impose your will on others.

Sometimes, the csi are caught between their beliefs and the evidence but that doesn't mean they should impose their will to make the evidence tell the story they want. The evidence should tell the tale.

Same applies to life - if only it's all that uncomplicated.

Heavy thoughts on a Saturday morning.

Two more weeks to HOME!

"What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you're speaking."

I read an article today that made me rethink about my own schedule

and the many often times which I've failed to keep to it.

Basically, the article spoke about keeping your primary values as your core

so much so that it is IN your schedule.

For myself, my primary value seems to be only satisfying my own needs and whims.

How noble right.

See, I can't say I place my family first because they are not in my schedule.

I am not even by their side.

I can't say I place my health as a top priority since I don't keep to my workout schedule.

Work takes up most of my schedule - but is it the most valuable to me now?

The writer writes:

"Show me your schedule and I'll discover the truth.

Because your schedule doesn't lie.

There can be no authentic success and lasting happiness if your daily schedule is misaligned with your deepest values. If there is a gap between what you do and who you are, you are out of integrity.

You are not walking your talk.

Your schedule is the best barometer for what you truly value and believe to be important.

Too many people talk a good talk. But talk is cheap. Show me your schedule and I'll show you what your priorities are."

Mine? Just surviving life.

But I need to be living it.

Making way back ... home?

It's almost 3 and I can't sleep.

The week has passed so quickly, and oddly. It's not even half a year since I'm gone to HK to work but already I feel the distance and the not meeting of minds.

CNY is a great time for me to come home because of the public holidays and weekends, which give me more time at home instead of a mad rush to do everything over a weekend

but it's a bad time to meet up with friends. Understandably... since cny = family time and visiting and weekdays are working days.

I'm not pushing my will on people to meet up with me. I was happy to have time on my own, not working, just shopping and people watching or even just lazing at home, falling asleep on the couch.

And I do not wish to have situations where people feel obliged. It shouldn't be that way.

Friends whom i've not managed to meet and catch up, i'm sorry... but you guys will be part of the reason for me to come back home the next time i do. :)

The ones whom I did meet and we had such a great time - thanks. It was really good seeing all of you and sharing the comfort that while the world is spinning ever so quickly, there is always one hour (or more) to spare to build our special moment. ^ ^

A profile pic

I never knew how much pain a profile pic can cause

I had wanted to cry with you and say that everything is gonna be alright

but you do know that no one can help you walk out of it besides yourself.

And remember this

it's not just all sunshine and smiles -

Whatever is not posted, is the grey which is best kept secret.

Happy New 2009

A happy new year, a happy new you.

It is a ritual for most people, including myself, towards the end of every year, to reflect and think upon events in 2008, but I've been too sick and busy to do that.

I had let myself get sucked into the holiday partying despite not being in the best of health.

Time for celebrations - for a fantastic 2008 passed, and a fabulous 2009 ahead.



Sometimes, I get too neurotic for my own good.
Just like tonight.
Perhaps the cold is really getting to me.

I need to curl up in bed.

突然好想你

五月天's new album is making me cry a lot and I cannot explain why.

Whenever the slow songs play, I'd take a 5 min break and listen to it, just listening to it.

Such songs tug the heart strings at the deepest corners of my heart and I start to sniff.

突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

A dream, or a plan?

Yun sent me this link: http://www.colinandyenyen.com/wordpress/paved-with-good-intentions/
which I spent a good one hour plus reading, and digesting
(amidst checking facebook and catching up on world news)

and if you don't have that much time to read,

here's something I picked out from colin and yenyen.

"Consider these 2 stories. Which is closer to yours?

You wake up everyday and work from Monday to Friday, and often, Saturday too. If you finish work early, you and your partner go to your parents’ place for dinner and see your child for a few hours.

If you work late, you buy a packet of char kway teow from the hawker centre but eat it at home because it’s too warm to eat there. You’re not crazy about the job but you know that if you keep at it, you can afford a car in 3 years’ time, and in 5 years’ time, buy a condo close to the primary school you want to send your kid to. Your conversations with people are either for the purpose of networking, work, or for familial obligations you cannot avoid.

On weekends, you play golf with your friends at your country club or watch a movie with your partner. Once a year, you go on a ten day vacation to New York, London, or Paris, and when your children are big enough, Disneyland.

Alternatively, you wake up and you have no idea what is going to happen today, tomorrow, 6 months or a year later. Ironically, because of this uncertainty, all possibilities exist for you.

You can be the Prime Minister of Singapore, you can make a movie, you can cook a meal you have never cooked before, eat at a place you have never eaten before, you can color your hair red, you can skip instead of walk, you can volunteer at the school you have always wanted to volunteer at, you can write a book, or you can have a baby even though you don’t have a maid.

You have conversations with people who set your heart palpitating and your mind on fire. Your weekday is not so different from your weekend because everyday you are thinking, creating, and more important, imagining.

Most of us recognize the first story and its pursuit of the 5 Cs of “cash, condo, car, country club, credit card.”

It is the Plan, which imposes a conclusion on you, and you work in order to make all the pieces fit. A bus stop advertisement I saw recently said it best: “We spend all our youth chasing money, and when we attain it, we spend all our money chasing youth.”

A Dream, on the other hand, carries you on its wings to worlds that your heart and mind have never known."

Yun commented I had gotten out of the Singapore mould and am starting to live my dream.

Perhaps, to a certain extent.

I would have been perfectly satisfied going forward with the Singapore Plan.

Those were the stuff me and mr goh used to discuss.

It is an enviable plan if all pieces of the jigsaw fit.

But I had been greedy and I wanted more.

I didn't want to be kept in.
so I made the choice to move to Hong Kong. I want to see what other places have to offer me,
and how much further I can push myself

My new job allowed me to do more thinking,

we try to be creative and innovative.

I wake up every morning, knowing the stuff I have to get done,

and not knowing the other ad hoc stuff which needs to get done.

There is a wee bit of uncertainty and element of surprise.

I have conversations with people who make me think, and laugh,

and set my heart racing.

Perhaps I'm now transiting between the first scenario to the second.

I still think about the first scenario sometimes... it's such a comfort zone.

I also start to wonder
if I'm just making myself to believe that I'm pursuing my dreams;

when in fact, I'm still following the blueprint,
just in a different city, with different characters.

There is only so much people can plan,
but a lot more which we can dream about.

It's not easy to live your dream;
but we all try, at least.

in love, in memory

Read this from somewhere and
thought it's really well written -

so i'm sharing it with you. :)

Life is an act of resistance

and of re-existence;

we live,

re-live.

But everything is held in our memory.

We are what we remember,

our memory is our nomadic home.

As the plants or the emigrant birds,

the memories have the strategy of the light.

They go forward,

like the rower who moves from behind to see better.

There is a pain similar to a toothache,

to the physical loss,

and it is to lose a memory that we love.

Those essential photos in the album of our life.

That’s why,

there is a kind of melancholy that does not catch,

but nourishes freedom.

In that melancholy

as foam on the waves,

our dreams arises.

Retail therapy

Retail therapy

works.

I have never splurged so much on myself one weekend
when I'm back in Singapore.

A bunch of winter clothes, skin care, a new watch, hairdo, accessories.

Staying in causeway bay has much to contribute.

On top of that, I try to justify my irrational spending
by how hard I work during the week.

And according to Kain, our HK salary has just grown in value by 10%.

Great way to spend those HK dollars ... on sing dollars stuff... which I did:



These are just too pretty to resist! from www.ochacream.com

Although zhijin said I can probably find similar stuff at mongkok... at much cheaper price....

oh well. I need some pampering.

I find that I'm pampering myself a lot more here in HK.

Am I really that unhappy here?

snapping out of it

I walked out of my office feeling the strangest of feelings this evening

It was as if the entire day had been a dream

my vision blurred as I stepped out of the elevator

strangers whizz past me

I am nobody to them

as they don't matter to me

this is not home

and I want to snap out of it.

my moment of weakness

I thought I made up my mind
I don't like playing games
but sometimes the uncertainties
are more than I could name

You made two steps forward,
and I took three steps back
Love is our own tango
the rhythm shouldn't be wrecked

In my moment of weakness
I allowed you to take the lead
not knowing when you're spinning me
not knowing what I need

But still I'd love to tango
with different partners, different beat
Only secretly waiting for someone special
to sweep me off my feet

Such is my moment of weakness
such a dreamer, some call a fool
'the music's gonna stop one day
and, silly, you may not realise it's through'

oh, love is such a tease

Miserably sick

I can't remember when's the last time I felt so

ill and miserable.

I have always been familiar with the drill -

not enough sleep > fall sick > pop pills > sleep > get better.

Since sunday evening I know I'm coming down with a cold.

Been shuttling btn my new apt and CWB to get stuff/ideas for my new apt and also settled my mobile line and broadband. My mind REALLY didn't want to work on sunday. Most of the time, i'm spaced out. So glad mr neighbour and mr j offered their brains. The many measurements and fixtures drove me nuts.

Panadol cold & flu extra has ceased to be effective for me. Monday was spent rubbing my nose, and working under pressure. I didn't even know how i managed to survive the day. Was almost knocked down by the tram - that's how dizzy and faint I was.

Continued to drag my body to work on Tues but the world was just twirling around me. It helps that there are friends who care. :) Added warmth to a freezing body. Felt so miserable that I really wanted to cry. Thanks kain for accompanying me to the hospital. Your lecture about 五脏六腑 and 胃筋 made me laugh a lot.

And on wed I called in sick. I have never slept so much continuously. I was bedridden and my body ached so badly. And all I can remember is... falling into a deep abyss - not wanting to wake up.

I don't want to be so sick ever again. : (