Tick tock tick tock tick tock.....

It's as if there's a time bomb inside my body. clicking, clicking away.
and it started ticking when Mr goh asked me the same question again
(No, it's not THE question), but rather, he asked if I'd like to do postgraduate some time in the near future. together. overseas. australia most probably.

i'd love to...but...

there's always but.

there are a thousand and one things on my mind which tells me this is not the right time...but but but....

I wish i have the ability and capability to keep my sight firmly on the destination, instead of worrying how I'm going to make it there.

if only life's that simple.

if only i can say i want to do that and pop! solutions appear! pop! money appears! pop! accomodation overseas settled! pop! everything else here is taken care of! pop! pop! pop!

I can sense mr goh is really keen to take another degree, especially if accenture doesn't continue their contract with him after 6 months. and his mother is also constantly asking him if he wants to go overseas .... i'm selfishly hoping that him going away won't happen.

I told him to work for another year at least. I told him that he hasn't experienced enough working lifestyle to fully know what course he wants to take. I told him he's not ready to go back to sch. I told him all that and more, hoping it'd diminish his thoughts. but i didn't tell him how i'd miss him when he's gone. yah, paranoid gf. not exactly all that supporting huh?

conflict.

life gets pretty complicated when you're not living it alone. i'd go ahead with what i want to do in the past, but what i want to do will affect others now. sigh. Can someone make life simpler?!?!

i also have my plans... I have plans to maybe go for my postgraduate after working 2 years, or maybe i won't and i'd join another firm. or maybe... just maybe...

Ironically, for someone like me who loves to plan, i don't really stick to them, especially when i cannot even imagine the outcome. There are so many possibilities! c'mon! it's like the adventure storybooks u read while u were young... To continue the adventure, choose Event A, or choose Event B and each will lead to a different outcome. I always play cheat and peeped at the outcome before choosing the event.

what is the outcome i want to see now?

the clock is ticking...