Reunion of a different kind

It's been a ________ night. I can't describe it, can't find a suitable word to describe how exactly i felt tonight. too many feelings, too many thoughts running through my head. when i first heard the news, i was shocked, then images of lena start to appear in my head.. I remember her in her gymnast leotard, i remember her in her yellow house tee running the track, i remember how uncanny she and her sis look like... how she has that sunshine smile and the ever so pleasant disposition. Although we never really know each other, we do see each other around in school. It's probably the st nicks connection.

st nicks girls of different batches attended, teachers, friends. Her family was very strong, i felt ann was very strong too. i'm sure they are very proud of her, as we all are. she's really a remarkable girl, which makes this even more tragic. I cannot imagine how i'd cope with the loss of a loved one, i don't think i'm that strong. but leen said when the time comes, you'd just have to take up the role, go through all the necessary mechanics and be a strong pillar of support for everyone else around you.

then, we started to think morbid thoughts: how will our own ceremony be like when the time comes? the type of flowers we'd want, the bears to put beside us and the photo.... must be one which shows us having the best time of our lives, beaming with the most megawatt smile. will there be so many people who will care to attend?

what will i be remembered as?

I don't think i've done much in my life so far to mention anything spectacular. should i be achieving more?

who are the five people i'll meet in heaven?

it's ironic how funerals bring together a reunion, how friends, school mates you've not seen for years come together. although the feelings might have changed, the tie is still there, we all share the same memories at one point in time.

Tonight stirred some buried memories in me. I remember how I was there when marc's mum passed away. i remember the heartaches and the tears. i remember that she was a kind lady and i'd never forget that night. I had barely known her for a week or so but i could feel the pain, so sharp, piercing through my heart as i stood beside marc during the cremation. her family wept the hardest I've ever seen. life is cruel like that.

I think i learn very slowly, sometimes not learning at all, that i'd have to treasure all my loved ones before they are gone. But humans are a strange bunch, not everyone can openly express how they feel so deep inside, baring oneself right through the skin.

but i must learn, and tolerate and treasure, before it's all too late.